Brookie’s Chocolate Chip Cupcake Essay
As soon as I saw the Devil’s Food Cake mix over the oven I knew I was in for a treat! Next, I saw the delicious chocolate chips and couldn’t stay still. I knew I had to wait till my mom cooked it but I was so anxious to stuff my face with delicious sweetness.
Ever since I was a little girl my mom and my nana would make these delicious moist Chocolate Chip Cupcakes for all occasions. My family and I all have a sweet tooth. Whenever we get hungry for something ono and sweet we always have the ingredients ready to be put together. This dessert has been with us through out three generations and has some really fun memories.
One of the unforgettable memories was when I was a little girl my family and I would go beach every weekend and my nana would make us our moist, chocolaty, and heavenly Chocolate Chip Cupcakes. We would all fight for the last cupcake as if it were a contest. Another memory I have about our family recipe we all enjoy is every holiday such as Easter, Christmas, Halloween, etc. we would always put a peep that represented that day. When ever we have to make a lot of the peeps for a party or some type of special occasion my job is to poke the peep with a toothpick and stick it into the tasty cupcake.
“Mom what makes this cupcake so irresistible?” I asked my mom …. “I think the sour cream because it makes all baked goods moist”, she replied. From now on I am always aware of putting sour cream in what ever I bake because I really despise hard cupcakes. I asked a couple of my family members on how they like to eat their cupcakes and some of their answers were first the muffin top then the bottom, or the bottom then the top, or just the top. This recipe has been with my family for three generations, and my nana taught my mom how to make it and I am slowly learning how to make it as well.
I asked my mom “What do you look forward to when making these ono cupcakes that everyone loves?”… And she replied “eating and taking the bite out of the warm, fresh baked, delicious chocolate chip cupcake. I also love decorating them to look cute and give out!”
If you ever came to one of my family get together you will see my cousins asking my mom if she made the cupcakes. Another similar story is that after I bring my cupcakes to school that one time the next day they ask if I made some more. I will never forget what this little recipe brought to the family and how many memories we had with them.
I really liked how you started your essay off with one of the senses. Also, your essay was very detail with much more memories when you were younger and everything.Lastly, i liked how you used voice, for example " I asked my mom..." and then explained more about the question you've asked. The topic tied up well with all the specific details. I'd suggest that you just re-read the whole essay and see how it sounds for you, say it out loud so you can hear it. Then it will be great in time for final. Good job, keep it up :)
ReplyDeleteI liked how you used quote's and italicized the words to point out what was asked or said. I also liked the amount of detail you gave, I could picture what was happening or being described easily. It was enough to make want to eat those cupcakes!
ReplyDeleteHi Brooke...or is it Brookie? ;>
ReplyDeleteFirst comment to teammates: you guys have got to do more on your critiques. Think back to the exercises we've done and the example I showed. Follow those for your critiques. They will make your comments more helpful to your teammates and will earn you a better grade for critiquing.
Now for my commentary: I agree with Kaitlyn's comment about your intro, starting with the box of cake mix and leading into your recipe.
You have a combination of memory and recipe, which is nice. I would recommend including a bit more detail in both. For example, your first memory about the cupcakes at the beach...give us some detail to put us there with you and your family on the beach, fighting for cupcakes...did they get a bit melty? did you have to brush off sand from your hands before reaching for one?
I would also clarify the part about the Peeps. I'm thinking of those sticky candy things? Did you make your own? ("make a lot of peeps for a party") Where were you putting them? Sounds like they're on a calendar?
And then, a bit more about how the cupcakes are actually made...
mrs s