Sunday, November 13, 2011

Da Tourist Essay Rough Draft



Although its good that Hawaii is getting more money from the tourist, it’s bad for the environment negative long-term effect on the environment). One reason why tourism is bad for Hawaii is because of the effect on our land. Another reason why tourism isn’t good for Hawaii is because of the negative effect on our oceans. The last reason why tourism has an adverse effect on Hawaii is because of our animals. The people of Hawaii need to consider the positive and negative effects of tourism.
One reason why tourism is bad for Hawaii is because of the effect on our land. Hawaii was once a beautiful tropical island, but then it got over built by endless skyscrapers, six-lane highways that cater 300,000 cars, and jetliners that land every three minutes. The over building of the Hawaiian Islands started in the early 1960’s. Over 3 billion dollars was spent to build new hotels in only eighteen years. Hawaii’s main industry switched from agriculture to tourism. With all the tourism in Hawaii, it came with other buildings such as shopping malls, and other tourist stores. With all the shopping malls and building being built new infrastructure had to be built to sustain the growing tourism industry. The new infrastructure took away lots of native habitats and continued growth contributes to more pollution and loss of habitats in the islands.
Another reason why tourism isn’t good for Hawaii is because of the negative effect on our oceans. From all the tourist coming to Hawaii and wanting to visit our beautiful oceans there is still a negative effect. Many of Hawaii’s gorgeous coral reefs, like many around the world are being destroyed by human activities. Some of the activities that are hurting our beautiful coral reefs are boats anchors and swimmers that crash into them, and sometimes that can’t be repaired. Some older hotels still send sewage out to sea, where it kills coral reefs and sea life. Another thing that also hurts our coral reefs is the over development of the land, that then creates runoff from streams and storm drains, that coat the coral in mud and kills it.
The last reason why tourism has an adverse effect on Hawaii is because of our animals. There are tourist activities such as fishing on the boat or even on shore. But many of us don’t know that we are overfishing and 3 out of 4 species of fish in Hawaii’s coral reefs are in the danger of extinction. Because of all the tourism and over development up to 60% of the indigenous animal and plant life of Hawaii are considered endangered species. For example the Green Sea Turtle was declared as an endangered species and has recently made a little come back, but is still affected by the pollution and debris caused by the over population, lack of public facilities, and infrastructure in the waters of Hawaii.
In conclusion, tourism has positive and negative effects on Hawaii’s environment. The first reason why tourism is bad for Hawaii because of the effects on our land. The second reason tourism is bad for Hawaii is because of the negative effects on the ocean. Finally, the last reason why tourism is bad for Hawaii is because of the adverse on Hawaii’s animals. All in all, I feel that we should be cautious of our tourism industry.

5 comments:

  1. Testing the comment feature for Taylor
    mrs s

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  2. Ms s! I promised that I commented on brookes draft. I dont know why it wasn't showing..

    Well anyways, Hey brooke!
    So, what I liked about your draft was how you laid out your details all the reasons why you think tourism is good and bad to the environment. From there, you explained more into detail each idea that you thought of, which really makes it easier for one to read. I also like how straight to the point your details are about how tourism affects the environment. It's not hinting, but it says exactly why and how. For example, "Because of all the tourism and over development up to 60% of the indigenous animal and plant life of Hawaii are considered endangered species." & " 3 out of 4 species of fish in Hawaii’s coral reefs are in the danger of extinction." The only thing that could improve your draft is that if you put more info on how tourism is positive to the environment because your trying to find how tourism is affecting the environment in a negative and *positive* way. Good job and good luck!

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  3. Thank you Adara! And ok I will do what you told me and put more positive impact on Hawaii!

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  4. Your essay was pretty good but it could use some adjustments. The things I like was how you gave a lt of detail and you organized it well. But, next time you should choose better transition words so it's not as boring. Another thing I think you should do is put your voice into this. your can ask questions or put your own opinions and thoughts. This would make it much more interesting. Well GOOD LUCK!

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  5. Hi Brooke,

    You have a very clear essay draft here. And you have good basic arguments supporting your thesis. What you need are specific details to support them. For example, you talk about the 3 billion dollars spent on hotels. I think the more important detail than how much was spent would be how many hotels were built, since your thesis deals with effects on the environment. The same goes for the shopping malls, etc. Get data on how many were built, etc.
    And, although the intro and conclusion are very clear, I don't think you need to put all of your reasons into both. It gets kind of repetitious in a short paper to have your reasons stated three separate times.
    But, overall, really nice job on your essay!
    mrs s

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