Thursday, January 17, 2013
Allusion Poem Draft
I live around the ocean wide and blue
Swimming and surfing is what I do
My friends and I just love the sea
And when I swim, I don't have to find a bathroom to pee
Atlantis is the kingdom where I want to be
Fun and joy is what I bring and
With my family and friends at the beach
The ocean always has something for each
Each day is a new adventure for me
Everything is so big and blue in my sea
WIth my pals at my side
We are always finding a place to slip and slide
I know sometimes I got too far out
And I get scoldings and then I pout
I know I should listen to everyone
But sometimes I'm having to much fun
The ocean teaches us so very much
Just like in life, I'm learning just a touch
When I grow up, the ocean still be a big part me
I love the big wide ocean and the big blue sea
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Your poem very good, i like the rhyming, it makes sense and everything too, but maybe add more detail. At first i didn't know who you were doing. Maybe you should add more that connect you and the little mermaid.
ReplyDeleteYour poem is cute! I could tell who you were alluding to, and it was nice that you rhymed as well. I think though you should just check for grammar errors
ReplyDeleteyour allusion and your poem is very basic. And although you descrive yourself through the allusion it is nothing that truly tells us who you are. Discuss why this allusion represents you, besides the "cute" stuff (i.e., fun, joy, having too much fun). Be more specific and descriptive (why dont you listen to people, what can happen when you dont). Again there is a lot that can be fixed to make for a stronger poem that tells us truly who you are and not the basic description. AS(2-)
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